How do we react when we are faced with accusations and anger because of our faith in Jesus? What do we say? Most of us feel that we need to give a good account of ourselves as followers of Jesus in those moments. Yet we can easily feel ourselves inadequate for the task. We will finish this set of articles with some ideas about how to approach this practically.
How Ranting Works
First, it is helpful for us to understand something about the mechanics of anger. An angry rant will usually last for a maximum of 150 seconds, or 2 ½ minutes.[1] After this, the person raging loses momentum and energy. It is pointless trying to interrupt, but it is in this lull after the storm that we might consider making a response. Dr Russell suggests using a summary of the facts they have said and the emotion they are expressing as a way of responding.[2] A sentence that begins, ‘I’m seeing how passionate you are about…’ may help to slow the speaker down.[3] As we have seen previously, listening is a powerful way of dignifying the speaker and this begins the response by demonstrating genuine interest in them and their position.
Leaving is Not Always Losing
This strategy of listening carefully and reflectively might result in good, but it does not follow that we are always obliged to undertake this. There are times when we need to leave a volatile conversation. If we are unable to shield ourselves from a forceful person sufficiently to be ‘safe enough’ for any number of reasons, it is wise to walk away.[4] We will know to what extent we can manage ourselves well in the face of anger and accusation from other conflict situations. This self-knowledge is helpful in gauging how well we might be able to patiently endure a difficult conversation without igniting ourselves or being crushed. Moving away from the conversation may be the best way to love this person carefully.
Our goal to love our neighbour well needs to be paramount. If this is clear in our heads, rather than a desire to ‘win’ the conversation or a sense of obligation that we must stay, it frees us to make an informed decision. If we decide to leave, it will help us thinking more clearly about how to do this and avoid being passive aggressive or unduly cowed. If we decide to stay, it will help us to commit to treating our furious neighbour with dignity. Either response, driven by love, shapes our part in the conversation and thereby shifts the dance of how these interactions are increasingly playing out in our society.
Responding to Angry Accusations
Second, accusations do not have to be countered. They can be used as a way of connecting by indicating a willingness to listen and to connect. For example, in response to the accusation of being a bigot, someone might respond: ‘I really don’t want to be bigoted so could you help me understand what you mean by ‘bigot’?’[5] This creates space for the speaker to reflect on their words. It creates a context whereby they are lovingly being held accountable for accusations they have made, but in a way that has the potential to calm rather than inflame the emotional temperature of the conversation.
Speaking Well
Third, out of this willingness to treat the stranger as our neighbour and love her in practical ways may come a context to share our thoughts. It might be useful to ask for permission to share and if that is given to speak out of what you have learned of that person.[6] How has what you’ve heard helped you to understand this person and what might he most need to hear about Jesus? In our time and place, the space we are given to speak about Jesus is often limited to maybe two sentences. As you prayerfully craft these, think about what might provoke curiosity about the Lord Jesus. Instead of filling this person with information, try and enable her to shift her stance from angry opposition to a desire to know more. This would be a great service to her.
Of course, this person may be unable or unwilling to listen to anything we might have to say. We do not need to conclude that nothing has been accomplished. If we have honoured her by listening to her diligently this may be used by God to change how she sees herself. Even in non-Christian political discussion as we saw in a previous article, listening has been shown to lead to greater self-reflection. Further, in this situation, we have invested in this person and so have the opportunity to commit to prayer on her behalf as a way of continuing to love her and care for her eternal welfare.
Not Just a Conversation
Regardless of how well or poorly we consider ourselves to have handled the situation, it is important in the aftermath to view this primarily through a spiritual rather than a social lens. This furious person is not as autonomous and independent as he might think. He is in relationship with other human beings who also bear God’s image and so this moment is important to him in his self-understanding, because that is how God has made human creatures. We know that God can change his heart.[7]This shifts our reflections away from our capacity to persuade or how charming and likeable we may or may not have managed to be in the interaction. Instead, we desire above all things that God himself might transform someone’s heart with the glory of the knowledge of his own Son.
This theological framework enables us freedom as we consider how to practically respond to our angry person beyond the furious conversation. We can choose to pray for them regularly. We can find other non-spiritual ways to build a connection with them and demonstrate our commitment to them as a fellow human person in ways that might mean something to them. This might be something as simple as greeting them warmly. By committing this person to God, we can look expectantly to him to change their heart. This means we are not bound by viewing them as locked into anger, but can act towards them in ways that invite them to a better mind. This freedom may enable us to find non defensive ways of mentioning our relationship with Jesus in subsequent interactions.
It is likely as we follow Jesus further into our century that many more of our conversations will be fraught. We are more likely to be confronted more often by more anger at not just the church and Christians but at Christ himself. It is helpful to have a good sense of what it might look like to make the most of every opportunity, particularly as the space to speak may be contracted. We need to have realistic expectations of ourselves and our capacity so that we do not get distracted by ourselves when we have these opportunities. We also need to understand our time and place well so that we can speak well of our Saviour so that people can hear clearly. (Colossians 4:5) God uses us in our weakness but he does call on us to be thoughtful and wise. He gives us each other to enable us to grow in our understanding of how to live for Jesus, and so we should continue this conversation with each, as we encourage one another. (Hebrews 10:23-25)
Questions
- When you think of someone attacking you for being Christian what kinds of things about this would you find difficult? How would you like to be praying about this?
- Read through Luke 22:39-23:46 (or part thereof). How does Jesus’ example of suffering unjustly to please his Father in passages like Luke 22-23 help us to have ways of responding that honour God? What kind of person would you like to be in these kinds of conversations?
- What does it mean for you to get ready to share Christ in an increasing hostile environment? What one thing would you like to work on in the coming week?
- How does Hebrews 10:19-25 give us resources to live well for Jesus in a world that may be angry with us for following him? Which of these resources do you want to invest in more in your life? How might you do that?